Let me tell you about my blog title and its image. They are more than just those things. More than a title. An image. They are symbols. Emblems.
In fact, these things are no accident. Right down to the tagline “the breath of life”.
I started this blog a few years ago. Oh, how I had high hopes of writing such moving posts with great insight and wisdom that would intrigue and inspire you. I believe I did that…in all four posts that I dared to hit publish (but now are cleared and deleted). Those posts were actually pretty good. I was proud of them.
I allowed only one person to read my posts. Someone I trusted and knew would be my supportive cheerleader. I guess that would constitute as an active blog…one writer, one reader.
After those posts the blog remained inactive. Nothing posted for two years. I haven’t even accessed it until recently. My blog sat in the WordPress attic somewhere. Stored away. Dust accumulating on the filed words. Stagnant and hidden from view.
Patiently, my untouched site waited for me to come back to it like a loyal friend whose love I had left unrequited and ignored. Yet it remained faithful still. This blog was set up for something far more meaningful and beautiful than I could ever imagine.
It was waiting to save me.
I know what kept me from writing anything else. Fear. Doubt. Not to mention that the content was a bit floundering. It had no direction. No heart. I was out to win you over. Make an impression. Please you.
I was trying too hard.
I had totally forgotten that I chose what to me is a beautiful featured image. That sweet, sheer panel billowing just so as the wind makes its way through the broken window. Fragments of glass left unswept on the sill. For some reason those few years back this image moved me. I could not explain it even to myself. I had it saved in my pictures file for such a long time and every time I looked at it something welled up in me and raised the hairs on my arms. I loved it. It resonated with me so deeply and I could not understand why.
The title “Second Wind” was something that kept surfacing in my mind over and over long before I would even type it out. How strange, I thought. What could that possibly mean? I tried to satisfy the title by thinking it would have something to do with the second half of my life…or maybe the wisdom that comes from living…of running the race of life and seeing it to the finish line. A hundred reasons ran through my head as to why it seemed right for me.
And that tagline…I don’t remember writing it. I don’t. It now makes perfect sense. The breath of life. Yes.
You see, now I understand.
I am that broken window. Me.
The shards of my life are lying on the window sill.
I now live on the backside of a tragedy. Something so hard that it has broken me. Into tiny little pieces. My heart lies there…shattered. The wind and life sucked out of me.
Right now I am trying to catch my breath. I have to learn how to do that…breathe. All over again.
The words you read will be my therapy. My catharsis. My very help.
I happen to believe that somehow there is a foreknowing. Some kind of foreshadow of things to come. I know how that might sound to some. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that every detail of this blog was preordained. Now it calls my name. It beckons me to tell my story.
How incredible this space for me. The words I write will come from a brutally honest and vulnerable place. It won’t be hard at all. I won’t have to try. I no longer care to impress you.
I’m here to heal.
My words will simply spill out and over and onto these pages. I’ll write and I’ll share and in the doing that…
The miracle will be me.